![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_goldenpathTitle: The Feathered Dragon’s Wish
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Pairings: forthcoming Atemu x Yuugi x Jounouchi
Rating: M for shounen ai
Warnings: angst, melodrama and sap
Summary: (end of series ‘fix-it’) Yuugi’s leading the life of his dreams: he’s going to college, he has an amazing boyfriend and wonderful friends. Things are about to change when he realizes his feelings for his best friend have turned into love; what does that say about his own relationship and how is he going to deal with it?
Author's Notes: Feedback is a great thing.
-----------------------------------------
When Yuugi woke up, he was delighted to find he was being held; he automatically assumed that Atemu had draped his arm around him as usual. It had been a while; since Yuugi had confessed to kissing Jounouchi, Atemu had withheld this intimate gesture which he used to do every night. As Yuugi woke up further, he realized that it wasn’t Atemu’s arm. A bit confused, he turned his head to look over his shoulder. A big smile spread from ear to ear; of course it was Jounouchi, deep asleep. Yuugi yawned. What day was it? Oh yeah, Friday. He hadn’t set the alarm clock as the sensei for today’s classes had cancelled, so they didn’t need to go to college. Wonderful, he could take it easy and study for this year’s finals, without having to worry about more projects!
Yuugi wasn’t worried that Atemu wasn’t in bed. He was an early riser and Friday was a ‘Kaiba day’ as he called it. The CEO was demanding more and more of Atemu’s attention, and not only for promotional work or Duel Monsters tournaments, but also for his Solid Vision reality system and testing it out. Yuugi realized that Sugoroku was working at the Game Shop and he immediately decided to help out his grandfather. It was difficult for the elderly man to stand an entire day on his feet and if Atemu was going to work for Kaiba more and more, perhaps they should discuss hiring help for the Shop. Behind Yuugi, Jounouchi was waking up. He grumbled and grunted a little, until he blearily opened his eyes.
“Good morning, Jounouchi-kun,” Yuugi said.
“Goo’ mornin’,” he said, only just awake. He didn’t realize he had draped his arm over Yuugi and smacked his lips. “Did I snore?”
“I don’t know,” Yuugi answered. “To be honest, I slept like a log! I didn’t hear a thing.”
Jounouchi opened his eyes further and looked around. “I see our Pharaoh has already left?”
“Yes, he always gets up very early, so don’t worry about it.” As he turned his face towards Jounouchi, he scooted a little closer for a morning kiss.
“Last night was the most wonderful night of my life,” Jounouchi said.
“I know.” Yuugi lifted up his hand and cupped Jounouchi’s face, seeing nothing but love and trust in the other man’s eyes. “I really enjoyed it. It was amazing.”
“Do you think he enjoyed it too?” Jounouchi sounded insecure. “If only we could read his mind…”
“We have to wait until he gets home, so we can talk about it.” Yuugi was caught off guard and Jounouchi kissed him again, the attraction between them so strong. They exchanged comfortable, kind and sweet kisses, but suddenly Yuugi broke it up. Jounouchi looked at him a bit confusedly, and then blushed.
“I’m sorry, I was so tempted,” he apologized. “You’re right, we should wait.”
Yuugi shared Jounouchi’s insecurity. Their love for each other was evident, but they didn’t know yet what Atemu was thinking or how he was feeling about it. Yuugi couldn’t, and didn’t want to act upon it freely, not without knowing Atemu’s stance. “Let’s get dressed,” he said, “and see if there’s any breakfast left for us.”
The day went by uneventfully. Yuugi revised his studies in the morning and assisted his grandfather at the Game Shop that afternoon, whereas Jounouchi needed a little more time for his revisions. He did help out Yuugi’s mother with a few maintenance chores and soon enough, it was time for dinner. Yuugi and Sugoroku closed up shop; it had been quite busy today with customers, for which he was glad.
“I’m hungry,” Sugoroku said. “I hope dinner’s ready!”
“I’m sure kaa-san has already started cooking,” Yuugi said. He hadn’t heard Atemu come home, but he wasn’t worried yet. It was unusual though, for Atemu not to hop into the store and greet him upon his return. He probably had gone straight to the living room. But as Yuugi got upstairs, the only one in the living room was Jounouchi, revising his notes for a final time.
“Have you seen Atemu yet?” he asked. Jounouchi shook his head.
“No, and I’ve been here for a while. I guess he can be home any moment now?”
“I guess so.” Yuugi retrieved his cell phone from his pants pocket. Maybe he had missed a message from Atemu, that he’d be home late, which wasn’t unusual when both he and Kaiba got into a duel… but not sending him a message, that would be unusual. Yuugi checked his phone, but he didn’t have any missed messages. He checked again. No, Atemu hadn’t contacted him today. Now he was getting worried. “I’m calling him.”
Yuugi had given Atemu a cell phone and the former Pharaoh had picked up quickly on how it worked. He had learned a lot of modern skills while he still shared Yuugi’s body and he was quick to pick up on technology. Yuugi was a bit surprised that the phone went straight to voicemail.
“Mou hitori no boku, it’s almost dinner time,” Yuugi said. “Where are you? Could you please let us know where you are?” After leaving the message, he also composed a text message with similar words and send it to Atemu’s number.
“Dinner’s ready!” Yuugi’s mother hollered from the kitchen. Jounouchi was quick to answer, but he halted when he saw Yuugi’s worried face.
“What’s the matter?”
“He’s not answering his phone, and he hasn’t send me a message,” Yuugi said. “I…” His phone rang. Jounouchi looked relieved.
“He’s calling back right now. He probably lost track of time,” he said.
“No, this is an unknown number.” Yuugi frowned and accepted the call. “Moshi moshi?”
“Yuugi, it’s me, Mokuba,” an enthusiastic voice greeted him.
“Mokuba-kun! What… how do you know my number?”
“Your boyfriend gave it to me,” Mokuba said. “Or rather, he gave it to my brother, and I copied it from his contact list.”
Yuugi was confused. “Huh? Why?”
“I thought it might come in handy, for whatever reason,” Mokuba answered airily. “And it seems like I had a sense of premonition, because now it’s handy.”
“What happened? Something wrong?”
“I don’t know,” he said, in a much more serious tone of voice. “I think you should come over to the manor, Yuugi. If I didn’t know any better, your Pharaoh seems to be reluctant to go home.”
“Reluctant?” Yuugi’s voice went up a couple of notches. He didn’t understand it at all.
“I’m not sure what’s going on, did you guys have a fight or something? He’s terribly distracted. He was playing against my brother, but he was so shoddy and unfocused that even a baby could win from him. Seto got angry, but he couldn’t shake him out of his funk. We don’t mind having him around, not at all, but I asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner and he looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. He keeps saying ‘I should go home’, but he doesn’t move.”
“Can you send a car over, Mokuba-kun?” Yuugi asked. He didn’t have a driver’s license and it would take too long to reach the Kaiba Manor by subway.
“Sure! No problem.”
“Thank you so much! I owe you,” Yuugi said and severed the connection. He ran downstairs to get his coat and shoes.
“Yuugi, where are you going to?” His mother called after him. “Dinner’s ready!”
“I’ll be right back!” Yuugi said. If Jounouchi called after him, he didn’t hear it. He knew that Mokuba had send the limousine before he had even asked; sure enough, not a moment after he got outside, the vehicle pulled up to the curb. Yuugi opened the door and all but flung himself inside. The driver greeted him and drove off to the Kaiba mansion.
------------------------------------------
Mokuba was genuinely happy to see him. “Long time no see, Yuugi,” he grinned. “I’m so used to seeing your Other, that I kept calling him Yuugi too!”
“He doesn’t mind,” Yuugi said, good-naturedly.
“I know. Come in, come in! He’s in the study. He pissed off Seto greatly by playing so lousy, so badly that even an absolute beginner could win. It was really strange.”
“I’m sorry,” Yuugi said on Atemu’s behalf. He followed Mokuba trough the large hallway. The manor was overwhelming in its splendor, but he wasn’t paying any attention to it right now. His mind raced a mile a minute, going over the options of what was going on, and what could be wrong.
“Here we are,” Mokuba announced. “If you don’t mind, I’m off to dinner. If you need anything, just give a holler, and the limousine is waiting outside to drive you home, whenever you need it.”
“Thank you so much, Mokuba-kun.” Yuugi thanked him profusely. Mokuba opened the doors and Yuugi entered the study, a magnificent library with bookcases reaching to the ceiling. It was hard to locate Atemu in this amazing, large room filled with books and antiquities, but Yuugi finally spotted him next to the window, sitting behind a mahogany desk, reading something… as far as he could read, because his eyes weren’t really focused. Yuugi closed the door behind him and not even the loud ‘click’ sound made Atemu look up. He approached the desk.
“Mou hitori no boku,” he said, his voice soft. “What’s going on?”
Atemu was startled out of his thoughts and turned his head towards him, showing him the ‘deer caught in headlights’ expression Mokuba had mentioned earlier. Yuugi had never seen him anxious like this.
“Aibou,” he said as if he was completely surprised to see him. He didn’t say anything else. Yuugi took a chair and pulled it up to the desk. He sat down and put his hand on Atemu’s knee, and to his surprise, Atemu pulled away from him. It wasn’t a brusque gesture, but he moved away from him; Yuugi’s eyes widened in shock.
“Mou hitori no boku?” He didn’t mask the pain in his voice. No matter what happened, they had never shied away from touching each other. “Please tell me what’s going on?”
“I… it was wrong,” Atemu said, refusing to meet Yuugi’s gaze. He was worked up, constantly wringing his hands. “I should not have… done what I have done.”
“Tell me,” Yuugi said, still confused. “Please.”
Atemu remained silent. Yuugi considered putting his hand on his shoulder, but after being rebuked earlier, he was hesitant to touch him again. He had a faint notion of what Atemu might be referring to, and knots tied in his stomach. The silence seemed to go on forever.
“Mou hitori no boku… is it about last night?” he asked. When the other nodded, Yuugi felt his heart plummet.
“I keep asking myself why I allowed it to happen,” Atemu said. He sounded like he was in tremendous pain. “I… I was not in the right mind to make that decision.”
“But you enjoyed it,” Yuugi said.
“I did,” Atemu admitted and wrung his hands again. “That is why it is so difficult, aibou. I... cannot understand why I enjoyed it, yet it feels so wrong. There is only one person I want to be with, and that is you. Not Jounouchi-kun. For all that I love him as a friend, I do not want him as a lover. I cannot accept him into our relationship.”
Yuugi bit his lower lip. “I’m not sure what to say,” he said. “I know that I’m selfish, mou hitori no boku. My love for you is as much and as strong as always. I love Jounouchi-kun too, he’s part of my life, he’s part of my mind… I knew it for a long time, but I didn’t want to give in, because I kept asking myself how someone could love two people at the same time. I thought there was something wrong with me. Like I said before, when Jounouchi-kun confessed to me his feelings, that he was reciprocating… it was like coming home, like everything fitting together, like… every piece of the puzzle coming together, excuse the bad pun.”
Atemu remained silent, so he continued: “Please understand that it has nothing to do with you being ‘not enough’, mou hitori no boku. It has nothing to do with your love being insufficient or anything like that, not at all. We both love you. We both want you, we both need you.”
“I cannot,” Atemu repeated. “You always talk about comfort, aibou. I do not feel comfort with the three of us. I do not want to find another man in bed or at the breakfast table but you.”
Yuugi could feel the lump in his stomach harden. “Please don’t force me to make a choice between you and Jounouchi-kun,” he said.
“Please do not force me to accept Jounouchi-kun into our relationship, something I am not comfortable with,” Atemu retorted.
Yuugi was getting upset. All his dreams fell apart and the perfect utopia he had created in his mind was never going to happen. It made him angry and sad. “You don’t even want to give it a try,” he said curtly. “It was good enough for you to enjoy the physical circumstances, but as soon as emotions are getting involved, you throw everything out of the window!”
“That is a low blow and you know it,” Atemu said. “I admit it, I should not have participated. I regret it, I made a mistake. Do not hang up my refusal to something that happened only once. I am not comfortable with a third person in our relationship. It does not matter if it is Jounouchi-kun or not. My relationship is with you, and you only.”
“We have so much love to share,” Yuugi insisted. “Why do you keep refusing it? We both love you, you are the center of our world. If you’re afraid of being the third wheel, you’re not, do you hear me? If anything, you’re the very core of our relationship.”
“No, aibou,” Atemu said. His anxiety shifted into stubbornness with an undertone of anger, mimicking Yuugi’s. “Why do you keep pushing this onto me?”
“Why don’t you want to see how much we love and care for you? You’ve always given me so much, mou hitori no boku. We only want to show you love. Was last night only for you to take and to not give something in return?”
“Stop rubbing that into my face,” Atemu said. “It was a mistake.”
“You’re calling our love for you a mistake?”
“I cannot control your emotions or feelings,” Atemu said. “Neither can you control mine. I am not blaming or faulting you, aibou. Would you have wished to force any consent out of me, and would you have blamed me if I still refused to participate? Would you fault me for me withdrawing and not feeling happy with the situation?”
“No, not at all,” Yuugi said, but he wasn’t so sure. This was getting out of hand. They had increasingly raised their voices and it was a good thing they weren’t at home, where everybody could overhear them. “I want the best for both of us, all of us!”
“Then do not coerce me into something that goes against my every wish or desire.”
“Maybe your wish is something that I don’t wish for,” Yuugi said, and he was shocked by his own vehemence. “How can you rebuke something so beautiful? We never forced your consent out of you; we asked it, and you gave it to us.”
“I know. It is not about physical affection only, aibou. No other person will ever come close to you. There is no one, not even Jounouchi-kun, who can stand next to you and be my second partner or lover.”
“We would be equal in the relationship, all three of us,” Yuugi whispered.
“Truly?” Atemu looked sad. He shook his head. “I do not believe it.”
“Then give us a chance,” Yuugi pleaded. “Don’t bail out now. You gave us so much hope yesterday…”
“I allowed myself to be seduced,” Atemu said. “I was tired, exhausted. When you gave me those towels and helped me to dry myself off… that attention, that love was like how it used to be, before you told me about that kiss. It was you, aibou, who approached me and kissed me, not aibou-with-Jounouchi-kun. When he joined us later and massaged me, I was not thinking of any further involvement. I was enjoying it yes, all that attention after a tense, stressful time.”
Yuugi tried to analyze what was going through his own mind. Disappointment, anger, sadness, irritation… he couldn’t understand it. Perhaps he’d been pushing too hard after all, but the intense memory of Atemu, his very own Pharaoh, leaning against him and moaning, his eyes closed in utmost pleasure… how could he reject it like this, and say he regretted it?
“We seduced you..?” he parroted. “Are you seriously claiming that we did it all on purpose, to trick you?”
“I am not saying or claiming that at all, aibou. I am taking the blame, for I am the only one to blame. I gave you false hope.”
“You certainly did. It’s not fair, mou hitori no boku.”
Atemu narrowed his eyes. “Where is the fairness in you pushing this onto me?”
“You talk about it as if I’m not giving you any choice in the matter!”
“Are you?”
“What?” Yuugi was flabbergasted.
“Are you giving me any choice in the matter? I do not remember you having spoken to me about all your wonderful feelings for Jounouchi-kun ever before, until you overwhelmed me with your confession about kissing him! Where is my choice, aibou? You immediately launched into your wish for a relationship with him and me, without asking my opinion!”
“I should’ve gone about it differently, yes,” Yuugi admitted. “For which I have apologized.”
“I should have gone about it differently yesterday as well,” Atemu said. “For which I have apologized, too.”
“We just can’t go back to how it used to be,” Yuugi said. The thought of losing Jounouchi as a partner was a horrible one. “Too much has changed now.”
“I have made my choice very clear,” Atemu said. Yuugi looked up at him, and swallowed. There was no room for any other interpretation of Atemu’s face. He was every inch a Pharaoh, determined and unwavering. It was of no use to bargain or to negotiate right now.
“I haven’t made a choice yet,” Yuugi answered. He just couldn’t. It was too much to ask.
“Until you make a choice,” Atemu took a deep breath and dropped a moment of silence, as if inviting Yuugi to interject, “I will stay at the Kaiba Manor as a guest.”
Yuugi had no other way to describe it, but the lights went out in his mind. A cold, harsh calmness washed over him as he got up from his chair. Unemotionally, he put the piece of furniture back where he had found it and turned around to face Atemu once more.
“Stay here, then,” he said, voice uncharacteristically low. “Maybe I’ll even give you a call.”
Without another word, he left the library and the Kaiba Manor. During the ride back home, he was completely silent. The driver didn’t try to strike up a conversation with him; Yuugi’s facial expression was dark enough to chase anyone away.
--------------------------------------
Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Pairings: forthcoming Atemu x Yuugi x Jounouchi
Rating: M for shounen ai
Warnings: angst, melodrama and sap
Summary: (end of series ‘fix-it’) Yuugi’s leading the life of his dreams: he’s going to college, he has an amazing boyfriend and wonderful friends. Things are about to change when he realizes his feelings for his best friend have turned into love; what does that say about his own relationship and how is he going to deal with it?
Author's Notes: Feedback is a great thing.
When Yuugi woke up, he was delighted to find he was being held; he automatically assumed that Atemu had draped his arm around him as usual. It had been a while; since Yuugi had confessed to kissing Jounouchi, Atemu had withheld this intimate gesture which he used to do every night. As Yuugi woke up further, he realized that it wasn’t Atemu’s arm. A bit confused, he turned his head to look over his shoulder. A big smile spread from ear to ear; of course it was Jounouchi, deep asleep. Yuugi yawned. What day was it? Oh yeah, Friday. He hadn’t set the alarm clock as the sensei for today’s classes had cancelled, so they didn’t need to go to college. Wonderful, he could take it easy and study for this year’s finals, without having to worry about more projects!
Yuugi wasn’t worried that Atemu wasn’t in bed. He was an early riser and Friday was a ‘Kaiba day’ as he called it. The CEO was demanding more and more of Atemu’s attention, and not only for promotional work or Duel Monsters tournaments, but also for his Solid Vision reality system and testing it out. Yuugi realized that Sugoroku was working at the Game Shop and he immediately decided to help out his grandfather. It was difficult for the elderly man to stand an entire day on his feet and if Atemu was going to work for Kaiba more and more, perhaps they should discuss hiring help for the Shop. Behind Yuugi, Jounouchi was waking up. He grumbled and grunted a little, until he blearily opened his eyes.
“Good morning, Jounouchi-kun,” Yuugi said.
“Goo’ mornin’,” he said, only just awake. He didn’t realize he had draped his arm over Yuugi and smacked his lips. “Did I snore?”
“I don’t know,” Yuugi answered. “To be honest, I slept like a log! I didn’t hear a thing.”
Jounouchi opened his eyes further and looked around. “I see our Pharaoh has already left?”
“Yes, he always gets up very early, so don’t worry about it.” As he turned his face towards Jounouchi, he scooted a little closer for a morning kiss.
“Last night was the most wonderful night of my life,” Jounouchi said.
“I know.” Yuugi lifted up his hand and cupped Jounouchi’s face, seeing nothing but love and trust in the other man’s eyes. “I really enjoyed it. It was amazing.”
“Do you think he enjoyed it too?” Jounouchi sounded insecure. “If only we could read his mind…”
“We have to wait until he gets home, so we can talk about it.” Yuugi was caught off guard and Jounouchi kissed him again, the attraction between them so strong. They exchanged comfortable, kind and sweet kisses, but suddenly Yuugi broke it up. Jounouchi looked at him a bit confusedly, and then blushed.
“I’m sorry, I was so tempted,” he apologized. “You’re right, we should wait.”
Yuugi shared Jounouchi’s insecurity. Their love for each other was evident, but they didn’t know yet what Atemu was thinking or how he was feeling about it. Yuugi couldn’t, and didn’t want to act upon it freely, not without knowing Atemu’s stance. “Let’s get dressed,” he said, “and see if there’s any breakfast left for us.”
The day went by uneventfully. Yuugi revised his studies in the morning and assisted his grandfather at the Game Shop that afternoon, whereas Jounouchi needed a little more time for his revisions. He did help out Yuugi’s mother with a few maintenance chores and soon enough, it was time for dinner. Yuugi and Sugoroku closed up shop; it had been quite busy today with customers, for which he was glad.
“I’m hungry,” Sugoroku said. “I hope dinner’s ready!”
“I’m sure kaa-san has already started cooking,” Yuugi said. He hadn’t heard Atemu come home, but he wasn’t worried yet. It was unusual though, for Atemu not to hop into the store and greet him upon his return. He probably had gone straight to the living room. But as Yuugi got upstairs, the only one in the living room was Jounouchi, revising his notes for a final time.
“Have you seen Atemu yet?” he asked. Jounouchi shook his head.
“No, and I’ve been here for a while. I guess he can be home any moment now?”
“I guess so.” Yuugi retrieved his cell phone from his pants pocket. Maybe he had missed a message from Atemu, that he’d be home late, which wasn’t unusual when both he and Kaiba got into a duel… but not sending him a message, that would be unusual. Yuugi checked his phone, but he didn’t have any missed messages. He checked again. No, Atemu hadn’t contacted him today. Now he was getting worried. “I’m calling him.”
Yuugi had given Atemu a cell phone and the former Pharaoh had picked up quickly on how it worked. He had learned a lot of modern skills while he still shared Yuugi’s body and he was quick to pick up on technology. Yuugi was a bit surprised that the phone went straight to voicemail.
“Mou hitori no boku, it’s almost dinner time,” Yuugi said. “Where are you? Could you please let us know where you are?” After leaving the message, he also composed a text message with similar words and send it to Atemu’s number.
“Dinner’s ready!” Yuugi’s mother hollered from the kitchen. Jounouchi was quick to answer, but he halted when he saw Yuugi’s worried face.
“What’s the matter?”
“He’s not answering his phone, and he hasn’t send me a message,” Yuugi said. “I…” His phone rang. Jounouchi looked relieved.
“He’s calling back right now. He probably lost track of time,” he said.
“No, this is an unknown number.” Yuugi frowned and accepted the call. “Moshi moshi?”
“Yuugi, it’s me, Mokuba,” an enthusiastic voice greeted him.
“Mokuba-kun! What… how do you know my number?”
“Your boyfriend gave it to me,” Mokuba said. “Or rather, he gave it to my brother, and I copied it from his contact list.”
Yuugi was confused. “Huh? Why?”
“I thought it might come in handy, for whatever reason,” Mokuba answered airily. “And it seems like I had a sense of premonition, because now it’s handy.”
“What happened? Something wrong?”
“I don’t know,” he said, in a much more serious tone of voice. “I think you should come over to the manor, Yuugi. If I didn’t know any better, your Pharaoh seems to be reluctant to go home.”
“Reluctant?” Yuugi’s voice went up a couple of notches. He didn’t understand it at all.
“I’m not sure what’s going on, did you guys have a fight or something? He’s terribly distracted. He was playing against my brother, but he was so shoddy and unfocused that even a baby could win from him. Seto got angry, but he couldn’t shake him out of his funk. We don’t mind having him around, not at all, but I asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner and he looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. He keeps saying ‘I should go home’, but he doesn’t move.”
“Can you send a car over, Mokuba-kun?” Yuugi asked. He didn’t have a driver’s license and it would take too long to reach the Kaiba Manor by subway.
“Sure! No problem.”
“Thank you so much! I owe you,” Yuugi said and severed the connection. He ran downstairs to get his coat and shoes.
“Yuugi, where are you going to?” His mother called after him. “Dinner’s ready!”
“I’ll be right back!” Yuugi said. If Jounouchi called after him, he didn’t hear it. He knew that Mokuba had send the limousine before he had even asked; sure enough, not a moment after he got outside, the vehicle pulled up to the curb. Yuugi opened the door and all but flung himself inside. The driver greeted him and drove off to the Kaiba mansion.
Mokuba was genuinely happy to see him. “Long time no see, Yuugi,” he grinned. “I’m so used to seeing your Other, that I kept calling him Yuugi too!”
“He doesn’t mind,” Yuugi said, good-naturedly.
“I know. Come in, come in! He’s in the study. He pissed off Seto greatly by playing so lousy, so badly that even an absolute beginner could win. It was really strange.”
“I’m sorry,” Yuugi said on Atemu’s behalf. He followed Mokuba trough the large hallway. The manor was overwhelming in its splendor, but he wasn’t paying any attention to it right now. His mind raced a mile a minute, going over the options of what was going on, and what could be wrong.
“Here we are,” Mokuba announced. “If you don’t mind, I’m off to dinner. If you need anything, just give a holler, and the limousine is waiting outside to drive you home, whenever you need it.”
“Thank you so much, Mokuba-kun.” Yuugi thanked him profusely. Mokuba opened the doors and Yuugi entered the study, a magnificent library with bookcases reaching to the ceiling. It was hard to locate Atemu in this amazing, large room filled with books and antiquities, but Yuugi finally spotted him next to the window, sitting behind a mahogany desk, reading something… as far as he could read, because his eyes weren’t really focused. Yuugi closed the door behind him and not even the loud ‘click’ sound made Atemu look up. He approached the desk.
“Mou hitori no boku,” he said, his voice soft. “What’s going on?”
Atemu was startled out of his thoughts and turned his head towards him, showing him the ‘deer caught in headlights’ expression Mokuba had mentioned earlier. Yuugi had never seen him anxious like this.
“Aibou,” he said as if he was completely surprised to see him. He didn’t say anything else. Yuugi took a chair and pulled it up to the desk. He sat down and put his hand on Atemu’s knee, and to his surprise, Atemu pulled away from him. It wasn’t a brusque gesture, but he moved away from him; Yuugi’s eyes widened in shock.
“Mou hitori no boku?” He didn’t mask the pain in his voice. No matter what happened, they had never shied away from touching each other. “Please tell me what’s going on?”
“I… it was wrong,” Atemu said, refusing to meet Yuugi’s gaze. He was worked up, constantly wringing his hands. “I should not have… done what I have done.”
“Tell me,” Yuugi said, still confused. “Please.”
Atemu remained silent. Yuugi considered putting his hand on his shoulder, but after being rebuked earlier, he was hesitant to touch him again. He had a faint notion of what Atemu might be referring to, and knots tied in his stomach. The silence seemed to go on forever.
“Mou hitori no boku… is it about last night?” he asked. When the other nodded, Yuugi felt his heart plummet.
“I keep asking myself why I allowed it to happen,” Atemu said. He sounded like he was in tremendous pain. “I… I was not in the right mind to make that decision.”
“But you enjoyed it,” Yuugi said.
“I did,” Atemu admitted and wrung his hands again. “That is why it is so difficult, aibou. I... cannot understand why I enjoyed it, yet it feels so wrong. There is only one person I want to be with, and that is you. Not Jounouchi-kun. For all that I love him as a friend, I do not want him as a lover. I cannot accept him into our relationship.”
Yuugi bit his lower lip. “I’m not sure what to say,” he said. “I know that I’m selfish, mou hitori no boku. My love for you is as much and as strong as always. I love Jounouchi-kun too, he’s part of my life, he’s part of my mind… I knew it for a long time, but I didn’t want to give in, because I kept asking myself how someone could love two people at the same time. I thought there was something wrong with me. Like I said before, when Jounouchi-kun confessed to me his feelings, that he was reciprocating… it was like coming home, like everything fitting together, like… every piece of the puzzle coming together, excuse the bad pun.”
Atemu remained silent, so he continued: “Please understand that it has nothing to do with you being ‘not enough’, mou hitori no boku. It has nothing to do with your love being insufficient or anything like that, not at all. We both love you. We both want you, we both need you.”
“I cannot,” Atemu repeated. “You always talk about comfort, aibou. I do not feel comfort with the three of us. I do not want to find another man in bed or at the breakfast table but you.”
Yuugi could feel the lump in his stomach harden. “Please don’t force me to make a choice between you and Jounouchi-kun,” he said.
“Please do not force me to accept Jounouchi-kun into our relationship, something I am not comfortable with,” Atemu retorted.
Yuugi was getting upset. All his dreams fell apart and the perfect utopia he had created in his mind was never going to happen. It made him angry and sad. “You don’t even want to give it a try,” he said curtly. “It was good enough for you to enjoy the physical circumstances, but as soon as emotions are getting involved, you throw everything out of the window!”
“That is a low blow and you know it,” Atemu said. “I admit it, I should not have participated. I regret it, I made a mistake. Do not hang up my refusal to something that happened only once. I am not comfortable with a third person in our relationship. It does not matter if it is Jounouchi-kun or not. My relationship is with you, and you only.”
“We have so much love to share,” Yuugi insisted. “Why do you keep refusing it? We both love you, you are the center of our world. If you’re afraid of being the third wheel, you’re not, do you hear me? If anything, you’re the very core of our relationship.”
“No, aibou,” Atemu said. His anxiety shifted into stubbornness with an undertone of anger, mimicking Yuugi’s. “Why do you keep pushing this onto me?”
“Why don’t you want to see how much we love and care for you? You’ve always given me so much, mou hitori no boku. We only want to show you love. Was last night only for you to take and to not give something in return?”
“Stop rubbing that into my face,” Atemu said. “It was a mistake.”
“You’re calling our love for you a mistake?”
“I cannot control your emotions or feelings,” Atemu said. “Neither can you control mine. I am not blaming or faulting you, aibou. Would you have wished to force any consent out of me, and would you have blamed me if I still refused to participate? Would you fault me for me withdrawing and not feeling happy with the situation?”
“No, not at all,” Yuugi said, but he wasn’t so sure. This was getting out of hand. They had increasingly raised their voices and it was a good thing they weren’t at home, where everybody could overhear them. “I want the best for both of us, all of us!”
“Then do not coerce me into something that goes against my every wish or desire.”
“Maybe your wish is something that I don’t wish for,” Yuugi said, and he was shocked by his own vehemence. “How can you rebuke something so beautiful? We never forced your consent out of you; we asked it, and you gave it to us.”
“I know. It is not about physical affection only, aibou. No other person will ever come close to you. There is no one, not even Jounouchi-kun, who can stand next to you and be my second partner or lover.”
“We would be equal in the relationship, all three of us,” Yuugi whispered.
“Truly?” Atemu looked sad. He shook his head. “I do not believe it.”
“Then give us a chance,” Yuugi pleaded. “Don’t bail out now. You gave us so much hope yesterday…”
“I allowed myself to be seduced,” Atemu said. “I was tired, exhausted. When you gave me those towels and helped me to dry myself off… that attention, that love was like how it used to be, before you told me about that kiss. It was you, aibou, who approached me and kissed me, not aibou-with-Jounouchi-kun. When he joined us later and massaged me, I was not thinking of any further involvement. I was enjoying it yes, all that attention after a tense, stressful time.”
Yuugi tried to analyze what was going through his own mind. Disappointment, anger, sadness, irritation… he couldn’t understand it. Perhaps he’d been pushing too hard after all, but the intense memory of Atemu, his very own Pharaoh, leaning against him and moaning, his eyes closed in utmost pleasure… how could he reject it like this, and say he regretted it?
“We seduced you..?” he parroted. “Are you seriously claiming that we did it all on purpose, to trick you?”
“I am not saying or claiming that at all, aibou. I am taking the blame, for I am the only one to blame. I gave you false hope.”
“You certainly did. It’s not fair, mou hitori no boku.”
Atemu narrowed his eyes. “Where is the fairness in you pushing this onto me?”
“You talk about it as if I’m not giving you any choice in the matter!”
“Are you?”
“What?” Yuugi was flabbergasted.
“Are you giving me any choice in the matter? I do not remember you having spoken to me about all your wonderful feelings for Jounouchi-kun ever before, until you overwhelmed me with your confession about kissing him! Where is my choice, aibou? You immediately launched into your wish for a relationship with him and me, without asking my opinion!”
“I should’ve gone about it differently, yes,” Yuugi admitted. “For which I have apologized.”
“I should have gone about it differently yesterday as well,” Atemu said. “For which I have apologized, too.”
“We just can’t go back to how it used to be,” Yuugi said. The thought of losing Jounouchi as a partner was a horrible one. “Too much has changed now.”
“I have made my choice very clear,” Atemu said. Yuugi looked up at him, and swallowed. There was no room for any other interpretation of Atemu’s face. He was every inch a Pharaoh, determined and unwavering. It was of no use to bargain or to negotiate right now.
“I haven’t made a choice yet,” Yuugi answered. He just couldn’t. It was too much to ask.
“Until you make a choice,” Atemu took a deep breath and dropped a moment of silence, as if inviting Yuugi to interject, “I will stay at the Kaiba Manor as a guest.”
Yuugi had no other way to describe it, but the lights went out in his mind. A cold, harsh calmness washed over him as he got up from his chair. Unemotionally, he put the piece of furniture back where he had found it and turned around to face Atemu once more.
“Stay here, then,” he said, voice uncharacteristically low. “Maybe I’ll even give you a call.”
Without another word, he left the library and the Kaiba Manor. During the ride back home, he was completely silent. The driver didn’t try to strike up a conversation with him; Yuugi’s facial expression was dark enough to chase anyone away.
Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
